Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
