the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
