Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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