then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
