This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
