So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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