..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
