if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
