Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
