it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
