Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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