Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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