There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
