sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
