Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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