I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
