I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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