I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
