Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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