I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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