The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
