did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
