Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
