Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
