Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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