she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
