Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
