I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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