I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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