my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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