someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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