the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she pinky promised me she was 18
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
do nipples grow back?
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