I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
