no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
