I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
