Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
