I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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