dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
