last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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