You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
