i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
