i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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