guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
