no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
