garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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