just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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