I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
