I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
