In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
