if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
