Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
