; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
