when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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