Already got asked if we're dating
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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