I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
