Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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