Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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