my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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