that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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