We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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