sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
