That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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