i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
