Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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